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Your "discovering" and "destructive" questions – ANSWERED!



Q: My 2 year old and recently “discovered” himself.  I realize this is normal however how do I address this without making this a big deal?  

A: I am glad to hear that you recognize that this is normal behavior because it is.  Like any new toy, it is something to explore and…find…out…how…it…works.  Any child, both boy and girl, will explore their bodies and this is not a bad thing.  It is a normal part of their development just like when an infant discovers their fingers or toes for example. Back to your question about how to handle this discovery is simple.   DO NOTHING.  By making a big deal about will lead to shame of the child who really did not do anything wrong, because they are doing what 2 year olds do best, explore.  If the child wants to explore simply ask them to not do this if it is at an inappropriate time.  If they continue, tell them they can continue at a later time. 

Q: My son B is 5.  He is spoiled, has everything, needs for nothing and wants everything.  He is also quite destructive.  He got a Wii for his B-Day and has already chewed the wires.  He cut his shirt ’cause he doesn’t like it…I loved it.  He can be very hard to deal with in public…not a tantrum style kid, but a whiner and very on demand.  He has NO patients, and will ask and ask and ask until he gets an answer, which is usually a raised voice NO.  He makes shopping very stressful.  He runs and jumps, slides on the floor, and has to touch everything. EVERYTHING.  He is also very very bright.  He reads at a 3rd grade level, can do 1st grade math and has awesome hand eye.  He’s quick witted and very very funny.  He is also now a big brother, we had our second son 6 months ago.  I’d like to think that its related, but he’s always been destructive and is very loving towards his brother, never really been jealous.  Would love advice!

A: Sounds like you need a vacation more than advice, but I will try.  First good for you for reaching out for help.  This is the first step in trying to change what you think is an issue.  5 year olds can be tough, especially if they became an older brother.  Their lives have changed (see last weeks post ). I mean poor B, he now has to share his toys, his parents, his space and lets not forget kindergarten; and just wait till he finds out what income tax is.  Is he spoiled?  I don’t know, but is sounds like he wants things his way and this is the way he wants to communicate.  Try asking him what he wants and if he won’t tell you ask him to draw a picture about what he wants.  If shopping and his energy is a problem, it sounds like he needs something to do.  Give him a list and a shopping cart (if there is one his size).  By giving him a list, this will empower him and make him feel important.  Make it a game for him, but make it an important event, such as reminding him the Corn Flakes are very important because that is the first meal of the day.  You can be creative with each item.  As for the destruction of property, it sounds like he does not know how to deal with the new emotion of anger.  First of all do not let him feel bad about being angry.  This is a normal emotion that God gave to us.  However what we do when we are angry is the problem.  For some kids having a self regulated time out chair with no distractions around them is a good thing.  Let him know that this is his special chair that no one else can touch and he can use when he feels that way. 

Good luck to you all

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Sippy Cup Mom

Sunday 27th of June 2010

Thank you so much for answering the first question! I wasn't really sure on what to do and I'm glad to have a good answer. I will make sure to pass this information on to the Grandma's! :-)