Responsibility

Responsibility. It’s a big word for little kids, but an important one nonetheless.

Responsibility helps children feel confident. It provides structure and gives them a role in the family. Children feel dependent on adults most of the time. They need us to help them in so many ways throughout the day. But when they feel like we depend on them too, it really gives them a sense of purpose. They are important to the family too!

People often ask me when children are old enough to be responsible for “chores”. The easy answer is that you know what tasks your kids are capable of completing. As early as one year you can encourage your little ones to help with cleaning up by putting their toys back in the appropriate baskets. And singing that quintessential preschool clean-up song makes it fun and exciting (for them, anyway). By 18 months, they should be able to put their dishes in the sink (provided you use non-breakable dishes, since they will most likely be thrown in for entertainment value).

The truth is that kids love to help. Helping makes them feel valued (we know that we value them, but kids crave concrete proof). Sometimes their help is more helpful than others, but the feeling of success that they walk away with is probably more important than the quality of their help. There will be plenty of time to work on quality later.

Sometimes it takes a little rearranging in the house to make chores more realistic for little ones. For example, when I finally got around to having a coat rack installed at preschooler height in my coat closet I found that my daughter loves to hang up her sweatshirts and coats. When I reorganized the toy closet to make it easier for the kids to access, I found that they both thrive on retrieving and putting away their own toys. It gives them a sense of accomplishment.

Bedrooms are an area where kids need to have free reign to organize as they see fit. It’s their special place, after all. My daughter likes her bed “made” in a certain way. I would like it to look more like mine, but it’s not my bed to make. She also likes her toys “organized” in a certain way. She always knows where everything is. I used to run into her room and do a quick clean up each night before bedtime, but then she started questioning me about why I put things in the “wrong” places. I quickly realized that having her room in a certain order helps her feel safe at night. Now we do it together, and I ask if I’m not sure where things go. Sometimes I’m so busy getting her brother ready for bed that, by the time I get there, I find her standing there with a clean room and a huge smile on her face. “I did it myself” is music to my ears and helps her feel confident.

My son likes his room neat and organized too. He is a fan of dumping out baskets of toys whenever possible, but he also enjoys putting the toys away. And he won’t go to sleep with toys all over the floor. Much like his sister, organization seems to help him feel safe. Taking charge of their own living spaces gives them a feeling of control, which then increases their sense of safety when the lights go down.

Toddlers and preschoolers can help with other small chores too. My kids love to sweep. I have no idea why, but they truly enjoy helping me sweep the kitchen floor at the end of the day. So much so that I went out and bought them kid sized brooms! They also enjoy helping me wipe up spills, put away the groceries, and sort and “fold” laundry.

Part of the reason that my kids are so inclined to jump in and help me out is that I never once told them they had to. Chores are not actually chores in my house. I simply ask them to help me when I’m completing various tasks and they happily join in! I’m sure that it also helps that I offer lots of praise along the way.

Providing opportunities for responsibility early and often helps kids feel that their efforts matter. Offering praise in response to their efforts increases their self-esteem. Kids love to do things independently. They are working hard to figure out how to do things on their own. They might not complete their tasks perfectly (and you might even have to re-do some of their work after they go to bed), but they will rest easy knowing that they contributed to the family.

How do you provide opportunities for responsibility in your home?

Katie is a Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist/Parenting Consultant in Los Angeles, CA. She has a four year old daughter, two year old son, and a rock and roll husband who makes her life complete.
Katie has a parenting advice blog at http://practicalkatie.com/ and can also be found on Twitter.

Never miss a post, Subscribe

Alicia C.

Friday 18th of March 2011

This is a great post! My little guy is so proud when he helps me do "big people" jobs like cleaning. I wrote an entire post about one particular day he helped me clean, entitled "Cleaning with a Toddler {March of Kindness: March 3}" on my blog, if you want to check it out.

Today we finally got out into the garden to clear away the debris from the winter. He spent a whopping THREE HOURS busily helping me! Quite a bit of time for a 28 month old!

Mommy Moment

Thursday 17th of March 2011

We live in a small house, but on the main floor alone there are 17 windows, 11 of them are at floor to ceiling. The windows were always full of finger prints...My 2 year old now washes the windows everyday with her spray bottle and Norwex window cloth. Obviously they are not the way I would clean them, but I have learned that soon my kids will be out of this stage. It is a small sacrifice to make for me and it teaches her some responsibility at the same time.

Jody

The Education Of Ours

Right on, Katie :)

I think it has a lot to do with how your present the responsibility. I never used the word chores either. They just jump in when I invite them. My girls have a lots of accessible child-safe cleaning items for their use at anytime. Little dustpans, spray bottles with water and vinegar and cloths, they even wash our windows. Like you said, they feel empowered by their responsibilities of keeping their home tidy. In our house, if you make a mess, there is a way to pick it up. After dinner, they wash the table and sweep the floor. There is no reward for doing your part here, just a good feeling!

Cherise

My son is almost 4 and I'm basically a neat freak but I've really learned that I can't do it all. My son is responsible for cleaning his room, bringing toys back downstairs, clearing his dishes (usually), and cleaning the basement (all the toys). When I say it's cleaning time, he marches off down the stairs and comes up when it's done. Granted, the toys aren't in the designated baskets but I can have company over and not worry about it. Once a week, I do organize the toys again.

cara

My little girls are 3 and 5. I've struggled with teaching responsibility. I want them to help with the housework, but I have had a hard time letting go. I tend to want things done a certain way. I recently went to my local teacher supply store and bought some incentive pads. I sat the girls down and we talked about what chore they wanted to be responsible for. I am going to try and not jump in and do their chores for them.