When your children are choosing behaviors that are less than desirable, it can be very difficult to keep your cool. No matter how hard it can be to take deep cleansing breaths, it entirely counterproductive to blow your stack.
We have all been there as parents. It is not completely unheard of to lose your cool with your kids, sometimes parenting can seem like an endless stream of outside stressors combined with children that can’t find their shoes in the morning. Little things can send you for a loop when you are already stressed out. Parenting out of frustration isn’t going to help. Start yelling and the children will become more elevated as well and shut down. You won’t get through to them that way.
How to Parent from a Calm Place
Lead by Example
It is very important that we monitor our own feelings before we respond to our child’s behavior. Take deep breaths, count backward from ten or talk yourself through it with positive self-communication. Taking a few seconds to step away from your child’s outburst to get your own feelings in check, can help to shift your feelings from frustrated, to reasonable. When you are in a reasonable state, it is much easier to handle difficult parenting situations without going off the rails. Calming yourself down before reacting, helps to set a good example to your children about self-regulation and can also, in turn, calm them. Children can sense your anger, frustration or anxiety. A calm parent leads to calmer children.
Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
You must remember to take care of yourself. It is very hard to parent effectively when you are feeling an abundance of stress. Take some time out for you each day to do something that makes you feel relaxed and calm. Choose an activity that you enjoy so that you can de-stress.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
This advice rings true quite often. If you allow the little things to get to you, they will eventually snowball into one giant cloud of frustration. The best thing you can do is remember that while you are stressed by outside things like bills and work, that holds no bearing on the way you react to your children. Don’t allow the background noise to compound into a giant cement brick and stop stressing about things that are not within your control.
Chances are, you know what adds to your frustration. Take responsibility of your own stressors and take the appropriate actions to minimize them. If you find yourself furiously packing lunches in the morning before school, pack them the night before. Your kids can’t find their shoes in the morning? Get designated bins for their shoes, hats, and mitts and have them ready at the front door the night before. There are ways to minimize your stresses, which in turn will minimize the frustration you feel when the kids aren’t behaving their best.
Our children deserve to be parented from a place of reason as opposed to frustration and it is very possible to become a calmer parent. Just remember to breathe.
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